i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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