i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize