Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
