apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize