How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
