his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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