you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
