If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
