Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Randomize
