Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
