She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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