the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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