Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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