plz talk dirty to me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
