i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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