Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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