Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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