A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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