i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
