He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
