So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
