A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
