do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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