Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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