and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize