wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
