dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize