went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
