I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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