my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
