they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
