I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
