Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
