I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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