No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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