i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
