i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
