10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
