We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
