Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
