found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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