and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
