We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
