You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
