The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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