Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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