I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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