I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
