Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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