In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
