I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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