??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
