it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
