So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
