I am puke
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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