she was so not down for the gang bang
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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