Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize