I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
