dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
