piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
