my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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