I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
