Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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