All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need a beard to bite.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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