epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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