oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
be right there i have to get my cape
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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