i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
